Sawmill Party HD
by ShadowX116
Summary: The REDs were thrilled to hear that their next battle would be taking place at Sawmill. They welcomed the rain and change of scenery, but quickly discovered that all was not as normal as it seemed. Where were those damn BLUs? (Rated M for blood, language, because I'm paranoid about the rules, and YES, fellow Bronies and Pegasisters, it is loosely based on THAT video.)


Sooo... It's been a while since I've written anything. I'm still pretty stuck on the stories I currently have, but I was listening to a particular song at just the right point and time to experience a startling and awesome experience I had on an MLP TF2 server today. So, enjoy this little one-shot I wrote in about an hour, and flames will be given to my buddy RED Pyro here for his Marshmallow Roast. :3

* * *

Sawmill was among the RED's favorite maps if only because it was one of the few that showed sweet mercy by granting them cool rain, even in the middle of summer. Yes, it may have had two giant unforgiving saw blades in the main building, and it may have flooded their basements regularly, but the silky liquid was definitely worth every second of it.

The one thing Sawmill never granted was silence. To say the least, the REDs were on edge more than ever when the map suddenly decided to change that.

"Anyone found anything yet," the engineer asked over his team microphone.

"Not a freakin' thing, Hardhat. How 'bout you, Heavy?"

"No sign of leetle BLU babies in the mill. Doktor?"

"Not in ze BLU Base or ze caves. I vonder vhere zey could have gone," Medic said with confusion. The rest of the nine man team also turned up nothing about their counterparts and soon regrouped at their own base to figure out what to do next. As they went back and forth with 'call the Administrator' and 'leave for Well as scheduled', the whole map was suddenly filled with strange upbeat music demanding that they smile. The track acted like it skipped a few times, but somehow sounded like it was part of the song. A high-pitched giggle soon followed it.

"Isn't this exciting? Are you excited, because I'm excited! I've never been so excited, well, except for the time that I saw you all walking into town and I went 'GASP!' but I mean really, what could top that?"

The mercenaries just stared at each other. _Who_ or _what _in the world could that have been? Sniper ran to the roof of the building in front of their base to try and spot where the voice was coming from. The Bushman only had a few seconds to shout, "Incoming!" before being crushed to a pulp Goomba style under the back hooves of a light pink pony with a very poofy darker pink mane and tail. In her right front hoof was a frying pan, already stained with blood and some very familiar blue paint. On her hind legs she stood almost Human-like, and was a bit taller than Sniper had been just a moment ago.

The rest of the team stared wide-eyed at the pony, save for Pyro who was jumping up and down like a ten year old who just got their favorite toy at Christmas. Even the demolitions expert seemed to be a little more sober.

"I know! Let's have a party!" The pony leapt down to their level; the lower half of her coat now splattered with crimson that glittered in the sunlight as she advanced upon her new victims.

"Scatter," Spy shouted before promptly running away and activating his Cloak and Dagger. Engie and Scout ran for the briefcase room while Demo and Soldier ran towards the other base.

"Ooh! Are we playing hide and seek? I love that game!"

Pyro watched from under the wooden bridge as Medic and Heavy teamed up to take down the bundle of laughter. Unfortunately for the duo, the battle was short lived. Medic's head lay bashed in a few feet from his body; Medi-Gun broken across his chest. Heavy had been brutally beaten with the pan, and was mostly bruise-purple in the face, neck, arms and hands, still clinging to his beloved Sasha. Not even Sandvich had saved him this time.

The party pony moved on to find the others, now covered ears to hooves in the blood of her new 'friends'. An explosion drew her attention to the saw mill itself. Immediately, she saw Soldier who was being scolded by Demo about keeping quiet.

"Hey, guys! Were you surprised? Were you? Were you?" She was smiling so innocently that neither man was sure she was sane. They in turn responded the only way any real man would in this situation.

"Alright Plan B, Demo, Plan B."

"Plan B? Are ya sure?"

"Yup, like a _true_ American!"

They took in a breath and held it for a moment, staring at the unblinking pony. They then screamed like little girls and ran away.

"Are we playing tag now? You guys are the best!"

Demo and Solly tried to bait the pony into the saw blades, but she proved to be surprisingly agile for her size. Within minutes, she managed to split them apart in the chase, and in the few seconds of panic the two men shared, the frying pan connected with the base of Solly's neck.

A resounding snap crossed Demo's ears and he turned in time to see his best friend flying across the room onto black and yellow lines. The realization made his heart sink to his stomach. Before he could shout is objection, the stainless steel tore through the crazed gunman, repainting the old wood bright scarlet.

"That was fun! Let's do it again!"

The Scotsman felt his blood suddenly boil and his one eye began to twitch. "Alright, lassie! Ye want to play the war game, ye'll have it!" He smashed his bottle on the wall, lifted up his grenade launcher and spammed it at those big taunting ice blue eyes.

oo00oo

The dying screams of the Demo echoed around the field and didn't help Scout's mental state in the slightest.

"What are we gonna do, Hardhat? I mean that thing just-! It-! Oh my God, what the crap are we gonna do?!"

"Son, if you don't shut the hell up right now, I'm gonna throw you right out there with her." Engie's voice may have been as calm as always, but the tone was no joke. He continued putting together the second level of his new sentry as he added, "We shouldn't have split up in the first place, but what's done is done, and Frenchie is probably long gone by now. We hole up here, and as soon as we're sure we can make it, we high-tail it outta here and head for Well."

"What if Spy already took Snipes' van?"

"You got two legs that ain't broken, don't cha?"

Scout curled back up in the far corner of the room near the safe, not caring that the water nearly covered his lap. He hugged his Force-A-Nature close to his chest and hoped that the pink menace wouldn't find them.

"Found you!"

_Oh God…_

Engie hadn't finished the upgrades, and the sentry was quickly broken in the doorframe by the new resident monster. The older male took out his Frontier Justice and aimed the red sparking device. The pony only smiled her usual smile. "Lady, I'm gonna blow that dumb look right off your stupid face." Three shells fired and the dozens of pellets embedded themselves directly in her torso, causing her to stumble backwards a few steps before finally falling onto her back.

"Ya- yah got her," the Scout hardly believed it himself.

The mechanical genius cautiously walked toward the fallen attacker and poked her head with the barrel of his gun. She did not move, so the engineer kneeled beside her. The last thing he saw was a bloodied pan coming into his left field of vision before everything went dark. When Scout finished processing what had happened, his comrade's head was twisted way too far to the right to even consider he might still be alive.

"That wasn't very _nice_." The blood on her had now mostly dried to the near-black color he had been accustomed to seeing since he was a little kid. Some of it chipped and fell off as she stood, pan at the ready. Scout was already on his feet as well, but threw his gun into the clear water.

"Nice? _Nice?!_ What's so _nice_ about barging in here and killing all my friends?!" Scout wasn't even embarrassed when he pulled the Holy Mackerel off of his belt. If this chick wanted to play ball, he was game for it. "Come on, Chucklehead, let's go!" He sped past her, chalking up a whack in her face with the slimy fish before running into the open.

"Yuck!" The pony gave chase, but quickly saw that the young boy was the better sprinter. She stopped by the small pond that formed in the rain and giggled. Scout, hearing no other footsteps but his own, turned around halfway up the makeshift ramp to look at her.

"What the hell is so funny ya sicko?"

She only giggled more and more, louder and louder as her hooves began glowing bright pink.

"And into the water she stared, yearning for those whose reflection she shared, and solemnly sweared not to be scared at the prospect of being doubly mared!"

She shoved both of them into the mud below and finally stopped her giggle fit.

"Fun?"

_What the fu-?_

"Fun?!"

"FUN?"

Scout's mouth dropped in disbelief as fourteen clones of the terror pony crawled out of the muddy pond, but they weren't just _any_ clones. One of them donned a blue balaclava, another had a scar on its left cheek, and one even had tiny glasses! The sprinter gulped as he saw some of them had doubles of their own, and noticed the specks of BLU and RED respectively in their manes.

One of the doubles in a yellow hard hat scuffed with red caught his eye for a brief moment. He swore that one had said something to him.

"_Son … RUN._"

Scout had never run so fast in his entire life.

oo00oo

"Merde…" The Spy had watched his entire team fall in the span of twenty minutes; even Scout who bled out face down in the BLU's pond. Never had they had that much trouble from the BLUs, even on their off days. He took this moment to silently thank God that he had chosen to take the Cloak and Dagger over the Spy-cicle when the Administrator had made the offer; that abomination of a pony might have found him sooner had the cloak not been there as she passed him.

He slowly made his way toward the main gate where he planned to take the Bushman's van and get out while he could. What he did not expect to see was a red rubber suit jogging through the rain. The man's jaw dropped, and the cigarette chose to leap from his mouth into the muddy ground below.

"Pyro!"

The fire-starter turned on the spot and immediately fixed his gaze on the embers of a certain someone's signature sign.

"Pyro, it is I, ze RED Spy. We must leave zis place before zose pink freaks find us! Come, we will take ze va-," he was cut off as a black and tan gloved hand met the Spy's jaw. The cloak dropped immediately, ignorant of the friendly-fire. "Pyro, what in ze hell are you-?"

His former comrade had turned toward the general direction of BLU base and called out, "Mmff's eerr!"

"No… Why would you do zat?!" The masked man got onto his feet, and, for once, ignored the new stains on his suit. The herd of 'Fun?!' began to approach his location, as he ran for the vehicle without another word. His stomach chose that very instant to twist into a very painful knot of regret and loss. He should have stayed. He should have helped his team. He could have distracted her somehow to give them a better chance. But he hadn't. He'd failed his team by running away like the useless coward the Sniper had often called him.

He decided that it wasn't entirely his fault. No, it had been partly the Jarate-wielding maniac's fault. If he'd had enough brains to move and not get killed first, the prideful spy wouldn't have panicked and run away! His idiot friend had signed all of their death sentences for them!

Outside the gate, the scowl left his face as he sprinted for his life. No, he couldn't say that about him. After all, the team had listened to his advice for once. It was a shame that it happened to be the wrong time.

"You can't leave yet! The party has only just started!" A ball of pink fluff barreled into him from behind and sent him spiraling into the ground on his back mere feet from his only escape. The attacker quickly pinned his shoulders down with bloody hooves.

"Mon dieu!" He struggled against the monstrosity, but her smile did not waver, and neither did her grip. "What do you want? What are you?!" His sapphire eyes could only look up helplessly into her unforgiving icy ones as she giggled.

"You mean _who_ am I? I'm Pinkie Pie, and there's just one thing that makes my whole life worthwhile!"

"And… what would zat be?"

"Talking to my friends and getting them to smile, smile, smile!" The Spy screamed as Pinkie lifted the pan over her head, and brought it down dead center on his face.

oo00oo

Pinkie Pie trotted back into the compound without a care that she had just brutally murdered two teams in less than half an hour. Sitting under one of the wooden walkways were the only two survivors of the whole thing, and she gladly took a seat in the mud next to them.

"So, what do you guys wanna play now," she asked cheerfully. The pyromania twins both lifted small plastic cups and passed her a cup of her own. "*GASP!* I _love_ imaginary tea parties!" Both Pyros added their muffled cheers of approval.

"Err oomff grrn aay ffr mmf," the BLU Pyro wasn't at all surprised with Pinkie's response.

"Yea, I'm gonna stay here for a little bit. At least until my mentor gets here."

"Mmffhurr," the RED tilted his head to the side.

"Yeah, he's great! He taught me everything I know about this new job. I know he said something about not using my extra special ability, but I only used it once, so I guess that's okay. What do you think?" The two of them each gave her a thumbs up and were slightly startled to see a cloud of smoke produce a new friend at the last spot in their circle.

"You did a fine job indeed, my dear," the being chuckled darkly. "I'm sure these two would simply _adore_ joining us on our little quest, wouldn't you say?" The being smiled as the twins gasped and nodded eagerly at his offer. "Wonderful! Simply _divine_! Let us be on our way then; wouldn't want to catch Green Flu now." With a snap of his claws, he whisked the four of them away on to another adventure.

* * *

So, again, this was just a little something I wanted to write for the sake of writing again after so long. If this wasn't your cup of tea, I'm sorry, but... dammit, I WANTED TO WRITE! :D

Have a cookie, and have a nice day. :)

(::)


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